Annya's Enchanted Realities

Guess what hit me today? What goes around, comes around. Lately, I’ve noticed a pattern that people disappearing on me. And no, I’m not imagining it, even if at times it feels like I’m overreacting. The feeling is real… and it’s a lesson I never saw coming.

My Personal Ghosting Lesson in Dating

I’ve been trying to meet people recently (stop rolling your eyes — don’t judge me). I tried signing up for dating apps and matrimonial sites, but nothing seems to be moving along. On dating apps, it’s often just: they want to get it on for a Saturday night and then—bye-bye, Sunday. Frankly, I’m not keen on that; I’m looking for something emotionally and morally real.

The men seem gentlemanly on day one, but they can’t keep up the good-guy act for long — eventually they get caught. You’re probably thinking, “Okay — how do you know, missy?” Trust me: women’s intuition. We know.

Among them, I did manage to connect with a couple of people over the phone. The texts were great — we had so much in common. And just when I thought, maybe this is it, poof — he disappears. This has already happened two or three times. And that became my first ghosting lesson: sometimes, no matter how much potential there seems to be, people vanish without a trace.

What Goes Around, Comes Around in Real Life

And it’s not just with dating. The same thing happens when I’m trying to get financial help. I’ve approached a few institutions for loans, handed over all the paperwork, the proof, everything they asked for — and then, one day, they disappear too.

When things like this keep happening, you can’t help but start wondering: Is something wrong with me? That’s when I started thinking more deeply about the phrase what goes around comes around.

The Ghosting Lesson I Didn’t Expect

While I was busy having a pity party about myself, a close friend — a colleague I used to work with — pointed out that I had done the exact same thing to him. This happened just last weekend. He texted me saying that I don’t reach out much, and that it’s always him starting the conversation.

I hadn’t realized he was feeling the very thing I’d been feeling — only, in his case, it wasn’t about dating or finances. It was about friendship. About me. (And yes, I felt a bit ashamed of myself.)

Of course, I immediately went into justification mode. I told him I usually don’t text first, that I’ve had too much on my plate, and so on. And while all of that was true, I could have still checked in on him — even just once — when I was feeling down, bored, or in need of company. He always made the effort; I didn’t. The truth is, I was selfish. I took his presence for granted.

What the Ghosting Lesson Really Means

That’s when it really sank in: what goes around comes around. Sometimes we’re the ones being ghosted, and sometimes we’re the ones doing the ghosting. Sometimes we’re left wondering “why me?” and sometimes we’re the reason someone else is asking the same question.

It’s uncomfortable to admit, but it also made me realize that disappearing isn’t always about bad intentions. Sometimes it’s just neglect, distraction, or selfishness. Still, the impact feels the same.

My Apology and My Takeaway

That said, I want to take this moment to dedicate this piece to that dear friend — and also to submit it as my apology. The very first thing I’m going to do is share this with him, not just as words on a page but as a promise to be more present. From now on, I’ll make an effort to stay in touch — not only with him, but with everyone who takes the time to check in on me.

Maybe what goes around comes around isn’t karma. Maybe it’s a mirror showing us the love and attention we’ve been craving.

Here’s a thought for you: when was the last time you reached out to someone who’s always been there for you, before they start wondering if you’ve disappeared too?

Take a moment, and don’t just scroll past. Reach out. You might be surprised what a small gesture can do.