Annya's Enchanted Realities

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how much I’ve changed — how far I’ve come, how much I’ve grown. And as I looked back at the journey, I realized something unexpected: it was my failed marriage that led me here. To this version of me — stronger, more self-aware, and finally at peace with who I am.

Did you know I’ve been Annya for only the past ten years? I didn’t just change as a person — I changed my identity. Legally.

For me, starting over wasn’t just about healing — it was about shedding the version of myself that felt small, scared, and invisible. I needed the world to see what I had finally begun to believe: I am no longer that vulnerable girl.

Yes, divorce broke me. But it also built me, piece by piece. It was painful — but worth it. And today, I want to share the five most important lessons I learnt from that chapter of my life. Lessons that didn’t just help me survive… they helped me become me.

Lesson 1: Live for yourself

Yes, it sounds selfish. But believe me — it’s not.

Let me ask you something: if you don’t love yourself, if you don’t put yourself first, who else will? No one. Absolutely no one.

Who’s living the life you married into?
Who’s facing the challenges that marriage throws at you?
Is someone else going to fight those battles for you?
No. You are.

So if you’re the one carrying the emotional weight, walking on eggshells, or holding it all together — then how can it possibly be selfish to live for yourself?

It’s not selfish. It’s survival. It’s self-respect. And honestly, it’s the only way to ever feel whole again.

Lesson 2: You’re Never Too Old, Too Late, or Too Broken to Restart Your Career

I had a good job. A solid career path. If I had stayed the course, maybe I would’ve been in a different place by now — more successful, more secure.

But I didn’t.  I got married. I became jobless. The marriage failed. And when I walked out of it, I had to start from scratch.

With a six-month-old baby back home, I packed my bags and travelled to other cities looking for work. Interviews. Rejections. Sleepless nights. The guilt of leaving my baby. The fear of being “too late” to make it.

But I didn’t give up. I fought like hell.

Today, I may not be where I once thought I’d be — but I have a career I rebuilt on my own terms. I have stability. I have something to lean on. And most importantly, I have proof that it’s never too late to begin again — even after you’ve been broken.

Lesson 3: You Are Your Knight In Shining Armour

From childhood to adulthood, we’re fed this fantasy — that we’re the damsel in distress, and one day, our knight in shining armour will come and save us.

Guess what? Wrong again.

Reality hit hard, especially after I became a single mom. Suddenly, I wasn’t just vulnerable — I was visible in all the wrong ways. Some people I once called friends became “too friendly.” Some turned into predators cloaked in politeness. And just like that, I became a target.

At first, I cried. I blamed myself. I wondered if I was doing something wrong — maybe I smiled too much, maybe I was too open, too kind.  But then I realised something important: It wasn’t my fault. It never was.

That’s just the way the world is — flawed, messy, often unfair. But instead of shrinking or getting cornered, I chose to stand up. I decided I wouldn’t wait to be rescued. I would protect myself, fight for myself, and believe in myself.

Because in this real world — I am my own knight in shining armour.

Lesson 4: You Are In-Charge of Your Life

Life isn’t all roses and rainbows — let’s be real. Before marriage, even though I worked, I never really managed my life. I didn’t pay my own bills. My parents were always there as a safety net.

But after the divorce, when I started living by myself, with a child depending on me back hom, reality hit hard.

Suddenly, I was responsible for everything — rent, electricity, groceries, diapers, doctor’s appointments, daycare, food, clothes. No backup. No one else to take over when I felt overwhelmed.

And for the first time, I realised how sheltered I had been growing up — how much of life I’d never had to face. And honestly? If I’d stayed married, I don’t think I would’ve ever faced it. I would’ve remained comfortable. Dependent. Disconnected from what I was truly capable of.

Being in charge of my life was terrifying at first. But now? It’s empowering.

Because every time I pay a bill, handle a tantrum, or solve a crisis, I remind myself: I’ve got this. I’m doing it. On my own terms.

Lesson 5: You Are Allowed to Feel Too

Somewhere along the way, I convinced myself that I had to keep it all together — for my child, for my family, for the world. Crying felt like weakness. Admitting I was tired felt like failure. So I kept going. 

I held my tears back. I kept my fears to myself. I wore strength like armor, even when it was crushing me.

But here’s what I’ve come to learn: You’re allowed to feel too.

You’re allowed to break down after a long day.
You’re allowed to cry in the shower while your child naps.
You’re allowed to feel exhausted, heartbroken, confused, or angry — and still be a good mother, a capable woman, a whole person.

Feeling doesn’t make you weak. It makes you real. And in giving yourself permission to feel, you create space to actually heal.

If this resonates with you, you might also find comfort in knowing how others have coped too. Here are a few real, relatable reads that explore what life looks like after heartbreak:
1. Alexandra’s 5 Hard Truths She Learned After Divorce  
2. A Reddit Thread discussion what others learnt from their divorce 

If you’re going through something similar right now — a heartbreak, a divorce, or just trying to find your way back to yourself — I want you to know this: you’re not alone, and you’re not broken beyond repair.

Divorce didn’t end my story. It gave me a new beginning. And while the road wasn’t easy, it taught me more about life, love, and strength than any happy ending ever could.

So here’s to second chances — the ones we give ourselves.
To the lessons we never wanted, but desperately needed.
To rise, even after we fall.

Because sometimes, becoming the person you were always meant to be… starts with losing the one you thought you had to be.