Annya's Enchanted Realities

Hello readers… It’s been a while since I wrote. I had a lot on my plate and I was not able to come up with some energetic, positive content for you to read. But then I remembered… My blog is named Enchanted Realities for a reason. Reality is not always fun-filled or positive memories. There’s always ups and downs… That’s life. So I thought maybe I could strike a conversation with all of you with this simple question: How do you deal with it? 

This month actually started on a happy note, as you all know, with my best friend’s wedding that I lastly journaled. But from there, the wheels kinda turned the opposite direction. Let me just say that some of the insecurities that I kept buried, resurfaced. It all started with my mom’s text about finding a groom for myself. Though I laughed at the text, I gave it a thought and figured it’s about time I get a life for myself. But more than that, I thought it would be a great thing for Erin to have a father figure. She’s growing and it’s not long for her to become a teen, and having a father figure in life would be a great thing for her. 

Question: Have you ever reached a point where you felt it was time to rewrite your story—even if it scared you?

Even though I said yes to my mom, I had my reservations. Because last time I left my life choice with her, it didn’t work out great. And I have been paying the piper for the past 10 years. So I decided to take matters into my own hands. I signed up for a couple of dating sites, and matrimonial sites. Believe me, I was active only for like 48 hours and I immediately deleted my profiles on both the sites. The dating site contacts all wanted one-night stands or not a committed relationship… hell with it… they didn’t even want to know me. All they wanted to know was the body count and my bedroom experience.. That’s putting it mildly! (My heart is literally on fire…) Anyways, I also took down the profile on the matrimonial site because I started second-guessing everything. 

But then I attended a webinar hosted by the matrimonial site. I must say, it was soothing to see that I’m not alone in this. Here’s where my insecurities resurfaced though. I didn’t want another failed marriage. This time, it won’t just be me — Erin would also have to pay. It could take a huge toll on her. As we all know, Erin has endured more pain than a child her age should have, and matured in ways most kids don’t. I didn’t want to add more baggage to her already heavy heart.

I also didn’t want to get my heart broken again. It’s been literal hell for me these past 10 years. Do you know how many times I’ve had to pick up the bits and pieces… and try to become whole again? 

Question: What has helped you heal from heartbreak or bounce back when life knocked you down?

I just don’t want to go through it again. Because I am tired. I just need a shoulder to lean on, a hand to hold, and a sounding board. But I am still afraid to take that step.

While dealing with these emotional insecurities, there’s another major obstacle I faced. Financial insecurities. I am not really proud of this but, it is what it is. Due to poor choices about whom I trusted with my hard-earned money and recent poor investment, and on top of that, a family medical emergency pushed me further into debt. But it is June, where Erin’s school reopens. I was not able to come up with the funds for my kid and everywhere I tried, all I got was ‘I’m sorry…’ followed by their reasons. But I can’t really blame them. Like me they also have family to take care of. So there’s no one but me to blame. Thankfully I was able to get the funds at the very last minute and was able to get her enrolled for this year (Phew…) 

I must admit, I had completely given up after the last few weeks of battling these insecurities. But when I was finally able to solve just one of those problems, I felt something shift — my confidence slowly started picking up speed and momentum. That’s when it hit me: I can’t be the only one feeling like this. We’re all probably dealing with things — some heavy, some overwhelming. 

It got me curious: How do you deal with it? 

Question: Is there something you do—big or small—that keeps you going during the tough times?

I’d really appreciate it if you could share your thoughts. Maybe I can learn a thing or two from you — and face these storms with a little more grace and ease. And finally, to each of you reading this — I applaud you. Not just for reading, but for showing up in your own life, for carrying the weight, for trying. You deserve a pat on the back every once in a while. You’re champions. Truly. So go ahead — share your strength, your confidence, your fighting spirit with the world.